All I ever ask...

I am not pretty sure if we'll be together for the rest of our lives. Most of the times, I want to believe you since that is the most convinient way to deal with it. However, there are times I feel like you are unsure of us. Sometimes, I feel like your hesitating if you want to spend the rest of your life with me. Whenever we are together, I feel like your holding back yourself as if you're unsure of us being together. There were times when I feel like you don't want me to be your partner. Though sometimes you tell me you love me, I cannot help myself but to still have even a slight doubt about it. I want to believe you that we are bound to be togther, that there will be a bright future waiting for us, that we just have to wait for the right time for us. I want to believe those that you promised me. But everytime I see you looking at me, everytime I stare at you whenever we have a fight, I see a hidden hesitation in you. I can see that you are still struggling with yourself whether you can bear living with me for the rest of your life. I know it's not easy to accept me as you lifetime partner. I have lots of shortcomings. I have lots of faults. I am far away from perfection. But this is me. I know i cannot force you to accept me, to love me. But you already did, as you said. You said you already accepted me for who I am. You said you love me and will love me until forever.

I don't know if it's only me who thinks this way. I hope so. I hope that all of these are just in my head. I don't want to believe my doubt. I want to believe you. I want to believe in your promises. I want to believe in a forever that never had happened to my life before. But how? I want to believe you but I don't want to be hurt anymore. I want to fully submit myself to your promises but what if you suddenly realize that you cannot love me forever? I know sometimes you are irritated with me saying 'I love you' over and over again. But do you know why? Because I want to get an assurance that you still love me. I always want to be sure that you love me each day of our life since you promised me forever. I am sure of myself that i will love you forever. But what's the purpose of my love if the subject of my affection does not accept my offer? However, everytime I say these words, you almost refuse it. You will say that this is not the right time for it. I understand your point but what I am asking is a continuous assurance from you. I just want to feel you love me and you care for me even if it's still not the right time. I want you to love me from today until that right time comes. I know we cannot be affectionate with each other now, since you told me we have to wait. But can't we love each other and let our partners feel that we love them even without any romantic gestures? I believe we can. It is possible for you and me to show each other that we love one another in many ways. Even we don't hug and kiss each other, I believe it is possible. I think a simple commitment to being single before the right time for us comes is a way showing love. Simple smile, care, touch, pat on the back, etc. are simple yet a strong assurance of your forever love. Forever starts not in the right time but rather eternity starts today and pursues each and everyday of our lives. That's all i ever ask. Assurance of the love you promised me to be forever.